Seeing Our Patterns

Last month I spent a week in a meditation retreat. It started at 7:30 in the morning and ended at 8:30 at night. Our group meditated, did yoga, prepared meals and ate together. For three days during that week, we were silent.  We did all our activities in silence. The purpose of this is to quiet everything around you so that you can notice what is going on in your mind. When you cannot speak, you really notice why you want to speak- to defend yourself, to assure someone else, to seek assurance, to explain yourself, to take control. This last one is what I noticed in myself, a pattern which also happens at work. The idea is not to judge what you notice, but to be more aware of what is happening. This gives us insight into our patterns of thinking and patterns of behaviour.

Here are some common patterns at work. We may experience any one of them in different situations. Interestingly, it is always easier to point these patterns out in others, but much harder to see them in ourselves.  

Need to Control – If we fear the loss of control, we speak and act in a way that helps us regain that control. We might react to the loss of control with anger, disappointment or resentment.

Being Right – I am a Virgo and true to my sign, I am a bit of a perfectionist. I like things done in a certain way. This can be totally irritating to others, who of course do things in a different way or do not need the degree of structure and order that I find comfort in.  

Being Liked - If we care about being liked, we tend to seek assurance for what we do and say. We try to please others, even when it does not feel true to us.

Keeping the Status Quo – When we are afraid of change, we grasp at trying to keep things the way they are. When a change is being implemented at work that impacts us, we may become upset, seeing only the negative aspects, unable to see the possibilities.

Seeing our patterns gives us knowledge about our own triggers. If we can see these, we have a better chance to react in a new way.